Never Knowing

Growing up I remember going to the park buzzed on Absolute Vodka and swinging with my best friend, who was also buzzed from a night filled with mixing vodka with energy drinks. We were between the ages were you get your first kiss and were you start learning how to drive, we had the world under our staggering feet. Her expectations of life were set out by her family, yet she had no idea on what to do with her life, just feel the pressures of the Holy Lord from the southern Baptist Church, and me I had no expectations set out for me by either myself or my family, in fact my main goal in life at the time was to grow a few more inches before puberty was over. I’m 5’3 and I lied on my license to say that I was 5’4, I’m not much a rule breaker now, I got all that out of my system early in life, take a two O.D.s on prescriptions pills to learn you good in my neck of the woods. I realized last year while my friends from the class of 2009 were graduating something was different, one my drinking partner had graduated early and we had fallen apart in huge distances as if when it came time to jump off the swings at the park I jumped forward and she just fell limply to the ground. I say this because for years after those intoxicated nights in park she went through addiction after addiction, party after party, and boy after boy, while I sat at home writing future novels and questioning my sexuality. Time came to pass when I tested my sexuality, boys didn’t do the trick and girls were working in my favor, and while I was happy for a brief bit she had the gall to tell me I was going to hell while she smoked irony in the form of weed in a joint rolled from Bible papers.

So, where are we now, she’s gay and going to nursing school, I’m gay….and working in a text book warehouse. Now besides my height I had some other expectations in mind while planning my future… I wanted to live out of state some where random where no one would look for me, Okalahoma seemed the place for me, I was still in my teen angst stage and wanted tattoos from the movie the Crow, and still thriving on every fiber of Anime I craved for pink hair. So where am I now, still living at home, a tattoo of a heart, and black and blonde hair which is Mohawk so teen angst self gives me props.

Originally I wanted to write this blog about how I never know where the fuck I am going, but that wouldn’t correspond with me, because I can’t even stay on track enough to write a blog about it. Tomorrow I go to defensive driving because in May while in a hurry to get home so I could take my Gf to see Patti Smith, I was rewarded with a ticket, I have like 15 days to take care of it, or I get arrested and I’m too pretty for jail. Though I’d love to go to jail and make some one my bitch.


Well where ever I go atleast I have a nice smile.