Family Tree: Kelly James

Family Tree: Kelly James ( Dad)

After writing my obsession blog with my Family, Chelsea and some other people said I should write a Family Tree blog as well, and to start things off I’ll bring in the head of the house my daddy.

Ten things to know about my Dad:

1) His name comes from his mother’s maiden name, Edna Kelly
2) Up until the mid 70’s he lived in New Orleans , Louisiana
3) Obsessed with shows like CSI, NCIS, and other cop shows, I think he wants to be a Crime Detective
4) Has been smoking Cigarettes since he was 15
5) Loves Irish Setters
6) Truck Driver, but only drives Red Trucks, and calls them “ Old Red”
7) His CB name on the Road is “ Rock N Roll”
8) Once got in a knife fight at a bar
9) Would give you his shirt off his back ( after he washed it and ironed it first)
10) The biggest Neat Freak I’ve ever met

My dad and I have the prime example of a love-hate relationship, I love my dad, but about 80% of the time he is a dick hole, but that doesn’t make me love him less. The youngest of three children, from a working hard class of Irish-Catholics, my dad was not made to be a doctor, he’s a just a good ole boy. He started working at the age of 13 in a local Grocery store, as well as delivering bottles of Coca-Cola, and I’m sure he worked some other job in the mix as well. His dad was a “Happy - Drunk” alcoholic who died from being burned severely at a plant job, and his mother died later from cancer I believed, after both his parents died he lived with his older sister who fed him asparagus multiple times, to this day my dad will not eat asparagus.

The stories of my dad’s childhood are comical to say the least in a purely,” That’s so wrong” kind of way. For example; One day when I was younger my dad shows me a scar on his head and I asked what that was from and he goes, “ I got jumped by some black guys,” mind you my dad is currently 61 years old so do the math on when he grew up. So of course my response was,” Why?!” And my dad laughs,” Because I was white, so they hit me in the head with a 2 by 4 with some nails in it.” Now, I shouldn’t laugh at that, but it does make me laugh just to picture the whole thing makes me giggle and the way he portrays it is even funnier. Oh and then there is the story of his ankle: Kelly James being the playful scamp he is played just about every sport a young boy could play, one in which included football, now he wasn’t on the school team or anything this was just rough and tumble school yard play. One day while playing in the fields with some friends he was tackled onto a metal pole sticking out of the ground, his ankle landed on top of the pole and the other boys landed on top of my dad’s ankle. So, he crawled to the nearest bus stop, paid the fair, and then crawled home to his mother hoping to then go to the doctor. Upon arriving home he told his mother what had happened to which she responded by hitting him on the head and told him ,” To stop faking it and get up and do his chores.” Although once his mother saw that his ankle was swollen to not just the size but the color of a grape fruit her mind changed.

He’s honestly a great guy and would do anything for anybody, which people take advantage of sometimes. And although he smokes way too much , works in pretty much the most unhealthiest professions out there, I see him leaving to be 110.

Quotes from my dad:

“ And that’s when I told the dumbass if he didn’t give me my paycheck I was going to ram my 12’ inch screw driver into his heart god damnit.”

“ They must be inbreed or something up there, because they are stupidest sons of bitches I’ve ever met!”

“ I don’t understand those people who are that show, they are like OH HE’S THE DADDY I KNOW HE IS FOR SURE, when they’ve been on there 200 times already. Then the guys are like, oh yeah if it’s my I’m gonna be the best dad ever, and then they get the letter saying he’s not the dad and the guy starts dancing like, OH YEAH ALRIGHT! And the lady is just going, I though for sure he was the daddy….idiots.” Talking about Muary.

“ Jackass.”

“ Oh he’s a jackass.”

“ What abunch of jackasses.”

“ He’s the biggest jackass of them all.”

“ If I was such a jackass, I think I’d know it.”

(all above referring to politicians )

“ See, I’m not a smart man, but I don’t act like I’m a dumb man either, if people are talking about something and I don’t know what it is, I just nod. Because, if I don’t say anything they can’t think I’m stupid, they think I’m smart.”